you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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