I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize