I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
