dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
