He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
