she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize