he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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