So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
