It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
