Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just pee around me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
