I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize