There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
