She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
