i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
