i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
