Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
