Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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