My room smells like vodka and shame
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
