Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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