Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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