Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
