I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
