my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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