I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
