you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
