you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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