My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
