I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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