Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The uberlube is also flammable
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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