I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
