Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have fence marks all over my body
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
