this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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