I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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