k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
