you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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