I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
