I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
