just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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