Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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