Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
