Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize