i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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