SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
