I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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