somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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