I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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