I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
