Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
