just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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