I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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