Where did you get a picture of my penis
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
