I faked an abortion last night.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's blow job season.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
