I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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