Just fell off a train. Bad.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
