Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
