so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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