So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
