he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
