well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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