rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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