I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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