i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
