apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think your dad took our porno
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
