who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
