where am i from again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
