I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
