She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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