i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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