Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
