It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
