Cold hands, warm shart.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
