While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
