yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
